But forgetting about Vlad for a moment, let's turn to the much neglected and under-appreciated Barbara. Now, Barbara has many admirable qualities. She's a shockingly good artist.
She's a great older sister who plays games with her siblings. Even when she's smelly and needs to shower.
So why is it that Sauda shows blatant favoritism by rolling a wish to teach Vlad, not Barbara, how to drive?? She even lets him practice using the police car. That's probably just the tiniest bit illegal...
Well, I suppose Sauda isn't the best judge of illegality. Or morality, for that matter.
I mean, really Sauda, really? You go out and about and find yourself attracted to HIM? He is wearing a pirate hat and studded jacket. And it's not Halloween yet. And you live in a town with pretty much NO WATER. Since when is this attractive?
Then again, the man's atrocious fashion sense and obvious insanity probably call out to Sauda's own atrocious fashion sense and obvious insanity.
Barbara: Uggghhh, gross!
Has she somehow developed the ability to see what's occurring across town and be disgusted by her own mother's fickle tastes?
...Apparently not.
Barbara: My art! It's hideous! I could just throw up!
Poor Barbara. She needs to see a picture of Sauda in her old leather formalwear outfit from when she was a YA and Adult. Then Barbara would know the true meaning of hideous, and be much easier on herself.
While Sauda is out being attracted to the most weirdly placed pirate ever, Donny is off having a friendly chat with a friend. See, this is how a married man interacts with another woman. No sappy pink hearts or flirting here, thank you very much.
...
Maybe I spoke too soon... Donny seems oblivious, but that woman is definitely eying him in a disturbing way...
Donny! NO! I changed your lifetime wish for a reason! No flirting!
On yet another jaunt around town (seriously, it's like the higher up she gets the less time she actually spends working!) Sauda runs into this guy, Irlen. I guess after the encounter with Donny's ex, Sauda's decided on a mode of attack when faced with someone with pointed ears.
Sauda: Are you ready to get handcuffed, you evil being? What do you have to say for yourself?
Irlen: Hold it right there. I actually have a long list of complaints to file against the police department as a non-fairy with fairy-like features. First of all, on behalf of our whole community...
Sauda's actually taking notes? That seems unusually tolerant of her.
Sauda: The fairy tells me he's not a fairy. He's a lying liar! I must observe and record his behavior so I can catch him when he's least expecting it...
Never mind, then!
Then Princess, who is apparently dating Irlen, goes over to give him a massage to relieve the stress of dealing with Sauda.
Or possibly she heard Sauda's comment about the handcuffs, took it the wrong way, and decided to make sure Sauda knows Irlen is her man. Hey, with all the odd attraction going around, it's only a matter of time before Sauda does something REALLY odd, like flirt with a fairy...
Nope, the weirdness hasn't stopped.
Here's Sauda's next object of attraction. I don't know if it's the wife beater tank top or the mullet that does it for her, but whew boy, this is one attraction I wouldn't understand in a million years!
And because we're on a streak of weirdness for the Randoms, why shouldn't Vlad walk around with a bowl through his hand?
While the various Randoms are off flirting/harassing fake fairies/being attracted to guys with mullets/moping/having a bowl for a hand, Senga is left to play in a puddle of something that I really hope isn't her own pee. And Sauda and Donny officially win the award for Worst Parents in the Entire Course of History and all that is Yet to Come Too.
But this house isn't swarmed by child services, because Senga gets food when she's hungry, sleep when she's tired, and apparently enjoys playing in that puddle, so her mood is always relatively high. Oh, sim world...
...And it was her birthday too. Sauda and Donny just became full on evil people for letting their daughter grow up alone in that puddle of... something.
If the clearly traumatized Senga grows up to be a master villain who vows to get revenge on the world for her miserable childhood, I fully blame them!
Well, at least Senga has one friend. Maybe this guy will steer her away from a future life of crime.
Osamu ages up too, wearing that bizarre muscle man shirt that I have never once purposefully made a sim child wear.
Apparently now that he's a kid he's finally realized the disgusting state of his house.
Barbara: You'll get used to it, kid.
He's barely been a child for two minutes and he's already regressing to playing with his IF as if he were still a baby. I guess in this house it's a choice between being miserably aware or happily ignorant.
Osamu isn't the only one regressing. Looks like someone's in denial about her age, and, you know, current state of life.
Donny must have been very lonely (or not in the mood for chancing a conversation with Sauda) because he got talking with Endora about ghostly matters.
Donny: You're telling me your decomposed body is buried under a tree?! That's actually pretty fascinating, in a gross kind of way! How long did it take to decompose?
Barbara: This sounds like a great time to go play football with myself and leave this room now...
A sample from Barbara's twitter account:
Dad and one of my dead housemates are having a nice long chat about her decomposed body. Talk about EWW! #AwkwardGhostConversations
With Barbara out of the room, Endora decided to rag on her, just like everyone else, ever. Luckily, Donny isn't (usually) a horrible human being, so this effectively puts a stop to the ghost/human bonding session.
Sauda isn't having any of that either.
Sauda: Hey! It's supposed to be me being rude to her, not you!
The next day, Vlad rolls the wish for a date with Aurora, so he calls her up!
I don't think she's going to be too impressed by the full bowl of cereal he's carting around as a new attachment to his hand!
Aurora: VLAD! I missed you! Never go away from me again, EVER!
Whoa! I guess she's either attracted to guys with bowls for hands (more logical than Sauda's attractions, actually), so into him she doesn't care, or there really is just something in the water turning every resident of Lucky Palms into a lovestruck fool.
But Vlad's gotta be careful, she's coming on just a little strong...
All that enthusiasm... and then they sit awkwardly far apart in the theater. Aurora doesn't even sit on the loveseat with him. These two look absolutely petrified by each other.
Awww, young love!
And then Aurora gets up to leave during the most romantic scene in the whole romantic comedy! Looks like she's had a change of heart in the five minutes since their epic greeting hug. Gotta love confused teens on their first dates.
I certainly hope that's a glass of water Aurora got, and not something... stronger. Add teen drinking to this story and I might as well just write it up as a depressing coming of age story, complete with neglectful parents and first love.
(
Apparently at some point during the movie Vlad decided there's a chance they're kissing today, because here he is awkwardly brushing his teeth in the movie theater bathroom. Well, I guess he came prepared with a toothbrush just in case!
And Vlad was not wrong. Looks like this date was somehow a success.
I'll end on this example of first love! How sweet! It's also the least disturbing example of a relationship in this chapter, so there you go.
Can Vlad and Aurora possibly last, or will the tentative petals of love fade when winter arrives (I need to stop being pretentious and flowery. What's wrong with my brain? Also, this implies I have Seasons, and I don't. There's never any winter in my sim world. So yeah, this line was a fail all around!)? Will Barbara have even one moment of true happiness? How will Senga (traumatized forever and one day going to be a master criminal) and Osamu (who will start sucking his thumb and carrying around a blankie) going to do as children? Will Sauda ever become an international super spy so that I can hold the freaking heir vote?
See you next time! And I hope you enjoyed this (particularly weird) update on the Randoms!
Awesome! How did I forget this story? *promptly bookmarks*
ReplyDelete